Tuesday, December 11, 2012


Why, hello again.
As I have been going around my routine today, a thought popped into my head that from the entire first post, this sentence might have caused a few raised eyebrows: "I am in love with someone else".

Now, if it were me (and I might be unique in this), and I read a blog about a woman trying to divorce her husband, I would wonder about this new man and his role in all of this so let me get this out of the way before I post about anything else.

I met my husband when I was 15. He was about 25 and at the time had zero interest in me. I, on the other hand, fell in love instantly. When I was 19, we started dating. We dated for a few months until one February morning, he disappeared without a trace.
It wasn't until May he finally re-appeared and told me he had been seeing someone else.
Talk about me being in the dark for all these months. The fact I was studying abroad of course didn't help.
Anyway, he told me about the other woman and I gracefully got up, paid for my drink, wished him luck and never looked back.
Until about 18 months later when he had broken up and one day, opened my front door to find him standing there, wanting me back.
Foolishly, and against what my brain was telling me, I started going out with him again.

For 11 years, I have never, ever looked at another man. I never flirted either as my self esteem was now at an all time low because of my "wonderful" husband. The slim young woman I was all my life was gone, replaced by an exhausted mom of two special needs kids and with 100 extra pounds after several years of battling infertility.
Who would want me anyway?

I met William online and to this day we have never met in person. He knows I am married, he knows I have kids. He has been "present" (on Skype) on many occassions when Dick had one of his abusive fits so he knows what my husband is like.
So no, I have not and will not cheat on my husband. I hope that is one worry off your mind.

I tried very hard to resist William. I did not want to fall in love with him. He hit me like a ton of bricks nevertheless. I woke up one day, a couple of months after we've met and realized that I was indeed falling for him. Like me, he is not the fairest of them all, nor perfect, neither is he rich. But he is honest and caring and will not buck under pressure. He is calm and he has been there even if not in person, every time.

I am not divorcing Dick because of William. I must make this abundantly clear. I have been in the process of divorcing him (at least mentally), for over a year and a half. My father's untimely death brought my plans to a halt last year ... and I don't know if you believe in these things or not, but I am convinced it was my father, my only family, my most beloved person in the world after my kids, who hated what I was going through with Dick, that brought William into my life.
He is not the reason and realistically, yes I understand and accept we might not end up together once he sees me, but he is the wind beneath my wings. I needed hope, I needed a wake up call, I needed a shoulder to cry on.

So there you have it. I just needed to be clear when it comes to William and how he affects my decision to get me and my kids out of this.
Even to my ears all this sounds weird. I never, ever thought that after divorcing, I would find a man. How can I trust anyone with my kids? I told William I am a Mama Bear. One wrong move towards my kids and he is toast. He accepts that and all he asks for is the chance to win my trust.
He told me immediately that he is in it for the long run and that he enjoys a challenge. Well, good... because I am challenging :)

Now all I need to do is lose 100 pounds before meeting him :)
Oh boy!

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